As Single ladies, when we meet a cute sexy man, his voice is melody, his eyes blink like stars, his touches feel like breeze, his attention feels so sweet, his talk sounds fine, his breath feels like fire… it would be very hard for us to reject him. plus, women are very nurturing, we often give the cute guy whom we like a few chances to impress us.
Sex itself is beautiful and yummy. But not every sexual experience seeds a healthy relationship.
As human, we are social group species, the man whom we choose to mate with and partner with plays a very important role in our life, this man impacts the quality of our life and how we raise our offspring in future, and how we feel as a fine woman in his presence.
As a Chinese woman, I think the most important wisdom for me in dating and life is: having a macro-control-framework that guides me in my life, then micro-adjustment becomes easier.
Here are 5 most important macro-control mindsets we must have when we date a man and if we want marriage in my opinion:
1) Your-Head: Strategy Mindset
- What kind of life do you want?
- What kind of role do you want a husband play in your life?
- What traits (mentally/ emotionally/ physically / socially/ spiritually) do you want in this man for him to merge in your life vision?
If you had such man you want,
- Does he have the resource that tells he is ready for a relationship or marriage and being a father?
- Which life phase is he in? Is he ready for a serious relationship/ marriage now? if not when will he be ready? Do you know?
- Is his character suitable for the traits that you are looking for in a man?
Another 2 question on the quality of your connection with him:
- Does he respect you? without respecting you, he won’t take you seriously.
- Does he value you? without valuing you, he won’t treat you like a lady and a gf.
- Are you in your best version when you date him?
a) When he is single,
b) when his character, his timing and his resource are ready for your marriage/relationship vision,
c) and when he respects you and values you,
d) When you are in your best version,
then it means the condition of building a good relationship is very likely to grow into something healthy and valuable between you and him.
Questions above are important strategical questions that you must answer honestly yourself. Then you shall know if your relationship with the man whom you are seeing is going to end well.
2) Left-Hand: Innovation Mindset
How do we become innovative?
Innovation is about creating playful and exciting and unforgettable experience with what you know and what you have.
What are the emotional reasons that make him want to ravage you sexually?
- Are you a sexy lady?
- Do you bring sense of excitement and vitality that makes a man feel sexy, young, uplifted?
Are you mysterious?
- Do you have your own life that you feel centered and energized?
- Do you feel good enough about yourself? Therefore, can you relax and playful in his presence?
- How confident are you?
What are the rational reasons that make him want to take you to see his mom?
- Are you elegant physically and mentally and emotional mature?
- Does your elegance improve man’s social status?
- Does the way you deal conflict between you and him mature and effective?
- Do you bring a sense of nurturing and love into his life that makes him feel loved and supported?
- How do you communicate with his friends?
How much do you know about his weakness and strength?
What kind of limiting beliefs does he have?
What is his life vision?
What does he likes and dislike? Do you know?
What’s his fetish? Do you know that?
What’s his talent?
With the answers of yourself to the questions above, then you have the materials of how to create playful and considerate and surprising experience with him.
3) Right-Hand: Dialectical mindset
Dialectical mindset helps us solve life problems easily.
Environment impacts man, who are his friends? Do you like his friends?
Leaders impact followers, is he an investor? Or is he a leader in life? Or is he an artist?
- How is his life? What does his life tell about his psychology?
- Is he capable of disciplining himself physically, mentally and emotionally?
- Can he solve problem simply and effectively and efficiently? Or is he a mess in the face of conflict and life challenge?
Is he an intelligent, courageous, benevolent, strong man?
- Does he think about consequence when he takes a risks? And can he handle the risk in his planning?
- Is he courageous or coward? Can he make hard decision and act under pressure?
- Is he fair in the face of allotting benefits with people?
- Can he restrain improper temptation? Does he act in the face of opportunities? Or is he a procrastinating boy?
Can you measure yourself by answering the questions above first?
Know thyself, and then you can know him and others very well!
As within, so without; as without so within-in.
4) Left-Foot: Law Mindset
Lots men tell you that marriage is just a paper!
No dear, marriage paper is important, is beyond a paper!
Marriage law protects the legal rights and financial rights for you and your offspring when you marry a man. You should take a look at the marriage law of your country and his country!
Does he respect law carefully?
Does he trade illegal stuff?
Does he make you to betray law carelessly?
Answers these questions above, you need to choose a man who respects law and cares your best interests.
Because we are social group species, if we want to live a good life, we need to respect law.
5) Right-Foot: Bottom-line Mindset.
Bottom-line of our behaviors and rules define who we are.
- If you sleep with a married man when you know that he is married and will never divorce,
- If you sleep with a man even if he doesn’t treat you with nice dating, doesn’t create romantic dating with you, doesn’t contact you much, especially when he doesn’t respect you,
Then, you don’t have bottom-line and standard in choosing man, and you are dumb in dating.
Without bottom-line mindset, you won’t have standard-mindset.
You won’t be important in any man’s heart!
And you won’t get an excellent sexy man neither!
- Just like when you walk effortlessly, your left-feet and right-feet need to be grounded and healthy and cooperate well, therefore, you must take the 2 mindsets “Law Mindset and Bottom-line Mindset” seriously if you want a good man and a good marriage.
- The Strategy Mindset above makes you be rational and visionary!
- The Innovation mindset helps you become capable of creating unforgettable experience with him.
- The Dialectical mindset helps you be insightful and help you solve life problems creatively.
When you are visionary, strategical, creating unforgettable emotional experience with a man, solving life challenge and relationship challenge unhurriedly,
and your feet are grounded in reality and socially,
then, you can say that you have chosen a right man confidently,
and you are confident that you are building a right happy marriage/relationship that you want in your soul and heart!
Ladies, if you think the blog helped you grow and clarify your life challenges, I want you to share this blog to your friends who need to see it, and post it into your WeChat groups to help more women and men in dating and relationships. I will really appreciate you do that! Thanks advance! And I wish you the best!
I wrote a little eBook about Text a guy to ask you out!
It helps you get crystal clear about what you want in a man, and teaches you the art of texting a guy; get the guy to ask you out eventually without ruining the rapport and connection you built with man!
If you have faced difficulties texting a guy, I think you will enjoy this eBook.
Here is what I want you to do:
1) Pay 10 RMB through Wechat per QR code below, PM me on Wechat and write an email to 'firstname.lastname@example.org' with your wechat ID and your name and your contact. Once I received your payment, then I will send you the ebook shortly!
2) give me some feedback once you have read this ebook!
By the way, I only sell 100 eBooks this time! Later I will only keep this material for face to face coaching. So please hurry up to be in the 100 people list!
Thanks guy! :-)