I remember the harshest rejection I got is that a guy told me “even if you were the only one woman on the planet earth, I will never be with you.”. I was so devastated. At that moment, I was like on the process of sinking into a dense black hole, powerless, I felt so small but so heavy internally and so heartbroken.
I am a stubborn girl, I didn’t listen to him and his words, and I kept shooting moon on him, and I was obsessed on him for around 6 years.
At the beginning, I kept sleeping with him yet cannot voice my emotional needs, limited times of physical connection was so tasty for me because I was emotional starved, my mind told me that he is the best man and I cannot find a better man than him at those years.
The obsession launched my creativity, I wanted to have the best sex with him, for a man who claimed that all he wanted is sex, but sex cannot keep him.
I cried and begged, but both crying and begging didn’t help, When I finally cannot access to him, I was sitting in the emotional hole of desperation, finally I had to move on. And then I realized that I can attract better guys, but I kept falling back to my old attachment pattern, and I cannot keep a man whom I wanted.
Obsession on the wrong man didn’t work at all. No matter how much beauty technique, sexual technique I learnt, relationship didn’t go to the vision I wanted, because my relationship vision is different with his relationship vision, I realized that we wanted different things fundamentally, and I cannot make him overcome his mental obstacle, I finally stopped to banging my head on a wall that cannot be opened with peace. And this time, I finally can walk ahead without wanting to look back.
What I learnt in my hard knocks dating life is that:
1) When I date a man, I get to quickly figure out the mental map of a man, what he wants in life, what his core values are, what his core needs are, and what his pains are.
2) I should link obsession with the man who genuine loves and appreciates me, wants the same relationship vision as me, and has the same core values as me. Link obsession with what doesn’t serve me is self-abuse, and use self-abuse to prove my value to a man is the biggest ego trip, is making enemy with the current of universe, thus is costing my dating life!
3) This world is polarized, and happiness is polarized with pain, beliefs are polarized too! Happiness can only be found with like-minded people. Love is not enough, good intimate relationship needs both compatibility and love.
If you are banging your head with wrong man now, stop it first, and then revalue the man, and your relationship. Maybe your ideal relationship is supposed to be easier and happier with another man who is like minded with you.
So, Fuck off the Rejection and Obsession with wrong man.
Truth cannot be learnt, and can only be realized, and I wish that my story helped you realize these truths earlier!