I remember when I was young, when I met a cute guy whom I really liked, I played the game of playing hard to get with him. Yet when I didn’t like a guy that much, I slept with him relative faster, because I didn’t care whether he would accept me or not.
The problem is that I was half-heart with both guys, I could not keep the guy whom I really liked even though I played the game.
So how to keep a guy then? Since I am still single, so I cannot tell you how to keep a guy. However, let me put my thoughts process into perspective.
Back then, what did I really want from the guy whom I liked?
I didn’t want to get hurt, and I wanted a sense of safety from the guy. I leveraged my own body as a tool to get that sense of safety from the guy, and I disowned my desire which I actually wanted to sleep him.
When I disowned my desire, I disowned parts of myself; so I only brought parts of myself into the intimate relationship, I was not authentic, was not being myself, my façade was running my intimate relationship, if my façade really could keep that guy, then that guy whom could be enchanted by a façade must be really stupid, thus he would not be the guy whom I actually wanted.
So I see that I actually wanted safety, my comfortable zone, my safety was more important than connecting with the guy in my totality.
In this situation, for my mind, fear of getting hurt always won the pleasure of connecting with a guy, because my mind’s job was to make sure I survive first always, so I was always grasped by my fear, and that’s really not attractive, so the relationship was going to fail inevitably.
As time goes, I realize that I want a guy who wants to accept the totality of me, and appreciates the totality of me. Vice versa, I want my totality to meet and celebrate the totality of a real man, I want to celebrate and appreciate his totality.
If this is my new desire, then the fastest way to get to the totality of a man is to cut all the middle-man (the game of playing hard to get; the idea that if I made more money, he would accept me; the idea that if I was more beautiful, then he would accept me; the idea that if I was more intelligent, then he would accept me; the idea that if I was nicer/ bitch, then he would accept me…), tell the guy whom I want that I want to celebrate him, and actually bring my desire to him, bring all my wisdom, my creativity, my acceptance, my sensuality, my free spirit, all my feminine aspects to him, and start celebrating life with him.
Look at the sexual organ of a woman, it is empty, it is ultimate acceptance, it is grasp-less-ness, in the process of accepting a man’s manhood, we scream in our pleasure with man, and then we conceive and bring a new life into this world through this pleasure, through celebrating life itself. The sexual pleasure process itself is a creation process. When both man and woman appreciate each other physically, emotionally and mentally, the distance between man and woman disappear, at the moment of that unity of two souls two bodies, a unique connection is born, a special bond is created, this kind of pleasure cannot be described in language, this kind of connection is what makes us woman feel alive and beautiful, is what makes man feel rejuvenate.
Perhaps you are scared that a man would judge you if you sleep with him too soon, you think that playing hard to get is safer, but this is a hoax as I elaborated my own life experience to you.
However, I don’t mean you should push yourself to sleep with him when you are not feeling comfortable, or when you don’t want him.
What I mean is that when you desire a man, and you are feeling comfortable to delve deeper with him, then show up in your desire, show up in your truth, live precious moments, celebrate life with him, appreciate him, and get yourself and him free from sexual manipulation, free from any type of manipulation.
When a relationship is free from manipulation, then immediately your heart meets his heart, his heart meets your hearts, ultimate acceptance immediately makes you and him feel free, loved, and a sense of belonging. Even if there was any problem in the relationship, that would be real problem that can be worked on instead of fake problems which are the result of that illusion marries with futility.
So ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed my blog just like I enjoyed writing it for you! And I hope it inspired you! Thanks for taking time to read this blog, take care, live authentically and love unconditionally!
Joy Yang is a Dating and Relationship Coach.
She teaches International Singles and Couples Self-love and Authentic-communication, so that they can attract and keep quality partners, and become their best version.